So, over the weekend, there was the big release of leaked celebrity nude pics….and as each day passed, I began having more and more thoughts about this “scandal”.
First off…yes, I have seen 3 photos…more on that on a moment…but I saw a Jennifer Lawrence one…a Kate Upton one…and the Kate Upton and her boyfriend one (which I will have plenty to mention about that). I saw these 3 photos not through the actual link, but from other celebrity gossip websites that I frequent…and apparently nude pics of celebs don’t qualify for a “NSFW” link. I went to a site’s homepage like normal…and the photo was there front & center. No warning on that? That’s ridiculous.
I saw those 3 pics…and didn’t feel good about it at all (except for the one of Kate Upton & her boyfriend…but more on that later…he’s just too darn funny in it).
First off…an invasion of privacy like this is deplorable…that goes without saying. The guy who did this a jerk and needs to be punished. (and jail time & a fine won’t do anything…take away the Internet from this guy forever).
Alright…here’s where my thoughts begin…
The guy who released the photos was trying to get bitcoin? Again, I have no…NO…idea what bitcoin is…but it sounds stupid…and it sounds made up. You did this for bitcoin? You’re an idiot.
Apparently, the guy was able to hack the “Cloud”? Again….I have no idea how the Cloud works, but there’s no way in heck I would ever put anything personal or secure in the Cloud. Of course it’s going to get hacked. Hmm…here’s a good idea, I’ll put my nude pics in this fictional storage drive.
When I first saw the article on Saturday (or Sunday?) night, it had the link to the website that was hosting the pictures….and the line read “from the popular website *********”. I put the ***** in there because that website doesn’t need to be promoted….but I had never heard of the website before…and can’t even remember it now. Not so popular. (yes, if I haven’t heard of it…it’s not popular. That’s the rule).
I’m angry at my gender. For the past 3 years…I’ve seen hundreds of online posts with “See Kate Upton in a skimpy bikini”…”Kate Upton topless (but covered)”…”Kate Upton’s boobs are boobtacular”. Then…this weekend…boom….naked…NAKED…Kate Upton pictures. Did my gender rejoice? Nope. Instead they made fun of her and said she had “mom boobs” and that she doesn’t look good. What? First off, you’re wrong. Second of all…how spoiled are you?
Let me explain something to my gender who didn’t have to live in a pre-Internet world…back in my day (let’s say 1992)…you had to hunt for topless photos of celebrities. I literally mean hunt. There was no online topless photos…all you had was Playboy.
You would go looking through wooded areas….searching for these mystical Playboys. These Playboys were the ultimate treasure…and our jobs has 15 year olds….was to find it.
Why the woods? That’s where you hid your Playboys. This sounds stupid…it was stupid. In an effort to keep your parents from finding a Playboy…you would hide it…in the woods. Then word would get around that there was a hidden Playboy…and then it was your job to get out there and find it.
I remember this very scenario…7th grade…word got out that there was a Cindy Crawford Playboy underneath the slide at Marimac Park. This was like the Holy Grail of Playboys. As soon as school got out…a posse of boob-crazed toddlers hopped on our bikes and peddled as fast as we could to that park. We got to the slide…and just started digging. Using our hands…our make-shift shovels…and just kept digging. We tore up that park (we put it back together before we left…we were courteous Playboy vandals)….but found nothing. We are still convinced it’s out there.
(this could be a good place for Playboys to have been stashed)
(always check under stumps)
That particular issue wasn’t out there…but others were. We found them. One was in a hollowed out tree…yep…just look in a hole in a tree, and you might find a tattered Playboy. This happened.
Those were the good old days…first off, it was legitimate topless photos…they weren’t stolen…they were photoshoots. You didn’t feel like you were doing anything too seedy. It built camaraderie among my friends and I…we were in this hunt together…plus, we were biking to all these parks, so we were being active.
These pics are crimes…and like I said, I saw them without knowing….and felt disgusted….except for one photo.
The photo of Kate Upton & her boyfriend cracks me up. Her boyfriend is Detroit Tigers Pitcher Justin Verlander. He’s one of baseball’s top pitchers…but he will forever be remembered now for his butt. The pic has Kate Upton & Justin Verlander side-by-side taking a selfie in the bathroom mirror, and they’re both doing this weird, goofy pose…and you don’t really see anything but Kate’s butt…and a lot of his butt. Combine that with his goofy expression on his face…and the pic is just plain goofy, and will be the subject of many, many memes.
The criminal who leaked all of these photos is a piece of garbage…and should face a harsh punishment. Plus, it’s completely unfair, and downright mean, to criticize some of Hollywood’s hottest actresses for the way the look in photos that were never meant to be seen by us…and to be criticized by a bunch Internet trolls who don’t have a life.
