Kurt’s Blog: If I’m Buying a Million Dollar Home…This are My Demands

Posted on June 29, 2015 by Producer Kurt in Kurt's Blog

Let’s see…in the past few weeks…a home in Glen Oaks has gone on the market for over, what, $3 million? Then, over the weekend, that Urbandale home was sold for just about $1 million. That’s gotta be nice, right?

Unless 4,9,10,23, 28 and 11 come up on Powerball…a million dollar home is something that I will never see (which is fine, really).

By the way, feel free to play those numbers, you and I can split nothing/nada/zip/zero/zilch two ways.

I can’t even fathom what a million dollar home comes with…so I have my own wishlist…so here it goes.

If I were ever to spend (waste) $1,000,000 on a home…it better come with:

Open floor plan (naturally)…heck, this house shouldn’t even have walls.
Stainless steel appliances (because as we’ve all learned on House Hunters, this is the single-most important thing in buying a home…besides a “view”)
Two swimming pools….one outdoors that will resemble a beach (it should even have sand…heck, no pool…it is a beach….and one indoor pool that is built underground and made to look like I’m swimming in a giant, shimmering cavern.

pool

Fountains….everywhere….so I can recreate the opening to Friends whenever I want.
The Silver Spoons train to get me from room to room….oh, and his race car bed! King size of course though.
A great spot for entertaining. (Thanks again HGTV)
Indoor basketball court…which can be turned into indoor ice skating rink. How they do it in less than 12 hours at Wells Fargo Arena, that’s what I want in my house.
Big sliding barn doors separating rooms…I think those are awesome.
Open concept.
For the patio…I will need a grill & a smoker…whatever the size is that they use at Smokey D’s or Jethros…that’s the one I want.
A room solely for me to watch Chicago Cubs games.
A room solely for me to watch all other sports. (not just for me…for everyone to enjoy).
A room that is nothing but a big bouncey house. Have fun kids. Your dad loves ya.
When I walk in…I don’t want dual staircases…I want dual staircases…with an escalator in the middle. Note…I will never use the stairs…except to slide down the bannister.
A gym downstairs….which is conveniently located next to the nacho bar. Yes, my house will have a nacho bar. I don’t need a wet bar…okay, I do…I’d rather have a tiki bar by my beach pool. Inside…I want nachos.
Granite countertops
Disco ball in every room.
How ever many bedrooms there are…add 2 bathrooms. So, if I have 10 bedrooms…I want 12 bathrooms…no wait….14 bathrooms.
4 car garage…you think we’re keeping my wife’s car? Heck no…we’re going to be a double mini-van family! Oh, I’ll also buy a motorcyle…a Harley…black and green…it’ll be awesome…I will be Jax from Sons of Anarchy…I will be in the hospital within a week.
Oh…in the backyard by my beach pool…I also want an animal refuge. I’m fond of the baby bunnies & birds that live in my backyard. I want more of that. (and my house is slowly morphing into Neverland).
For my wife…I want the world’s first and only claw, jacuzzi tub….but this one has a twist…it comes with bubbles already in it…it’s only purpose is bubble baths. It will have a wine fridge built in…for all my wife’s relaxation needs.
Oh…and of course, every sink will have 3 spigots…hot…cold….and Red Bull. Sweet, life-giving Red Bull. Whoa, I know what you’re thinking….of course that won’t be in the kids’ bathroom. What do you think I am…an idiot?