…it pales in comparison to stepping in human poop.

It’s the worst thing ever. Worst.

First off…I buy two pairs of shoes a year…once at Christmas…and once in the middle of June. So, of course, it was just last week that I bought some brand new, sparkling-white Adidas.

Yesterday, I wore the shoes to work…this was the 3rd time I had worn these shoes.

Upon my arrival to work…I noticed a distinct poop smell in the parking lot, but sometimes that can be easily chalked up to the cat food plant that we’ll catch a whiff of downtown.

When I left work…I ran into Jay Wells at the back of the building…and he too had said that there was a poop smell about. No time for chit chat with you Jay Wells, I have to get home and watch “The Last Ship”, and prepare a blog for Tuesday that will be all things great about Ed Sheeran (my apologies to Ed Sheeran for being bumped today…but this is a pressing matter).

I walk to the minivan…and just as I get to the side door…I feel it…I hear it…a…

SQQQQQUUIIIIISSSSHHHHH

I immediately know what’s happened…I immediately try not to vomit. Then I look down…it’s not dog poop…

It’s human poop.

It’s a big pile of human poop. IT’S HUMAN POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPP!

Again…I try not to vomit. This is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

The bottom of my shoes..covered…I shuffle back to the building, and tell Jay Wells that “Yep, I found it…and it’s not dog”. Jay almost vomits…which I probably would have stepped in as well.

I go to the bathroom and immediately run the shoe under the water (don’t worry, I cleaned the sink after)…and then I spent 5 minutes in the parking lot shuffling around hoping that the gravel & rocks somehow had magical poop-removing properties.

I spent the drive home with my shoe out the window for literally half the trip. If you saw a minivan on I-235 yesterday around 10:20 with a shoe hanging out the window…that was me.

I got home, and the cleaning was on….I used every form of Febreze, Lysol, Air pressure spray…water…hot water…cold water…boiling water…At one point, I was using toothpicks to pick out this crime against humanity. The shoes then stayed outside for the next 8 hours…at which point, I cleaned them again.

This morning, I came to work wearing the shoes…and I’m paranoid of the smell. Colleen walked into the studio and asked “Did you Lysol in here?”…indeed I did Coll…here’s what I used this morning.

Whatever it takes. I’m saving these shoes from this tragedy.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to spray them down again.

I know this might sound stupid…I thought we all knew the rule…POOP IN TOILETS, NOT IN PARKING LOTS.

I’ll make shirts if I have to.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH