Here is my theory on why Richie Sambora avoids Des Moines every time Bon Jovi makes a stop here.

(NOTE: This is all made up in my head…I have no facts whatsoever…but if you, please share)!

I think…there’s a woman (women) here in Des Moines that Richie Sambora really doesn’t want to see.

How else could you explain his refusal to play Des Moines. It happened, what, 2 1/2 years ago when they were here…and again this Sunday? Plus, does he come with Jon when he does campaign stops here in Des Moines. Nope.

I’m guessin’…it’s a woman…is it you? If it is, please tell us…and how much $$ Richie owes you.

There has to be a woman….maybe there’s a Richie Sambora love child running around that we don’t know about. Maybe Richie got banned from the Lumberyard or something.

Maybe Richie can’t handle Iowa women? NOW, we’re on to something!

Or…Richie is allergic to corn…and good times.

Either way…he seems afraid of Des Moines.

Cher Isn’t Dead…

Margaret Thatcher is dead…but the story that many people thought Cher died yesterday makes me laugh.

It all stemmed from a trending Tweet hashtag that read like this…

#nowthatcherisdead

I read that as “Now Thatcher is Dead”…however, many, many, many people read that as “Now That Cher is Dead”.

For the record, Cher is not dead.

I Need to Learn Spanish

I need to learn Spanish…or at least someone on every flight to Mexico needs to. As we were flying from Dallas to Cozumel, we were giving our immigration form to fill out to get into Mexico. They only had the Spanish version…and it was like a crisis broke out on the plane. All of us conferring with each other trying to figure out words….one guy even paid $14.99 to log on to the on-air Wi-Fi system so he could use his Google Translate.

We asked the flight attendants…they said “I don’t speak Spanish”. No help from there.

I don’t know what I agreed to…or what box I checked…but I was pretty sure I wasn’t carrying any livestock, plants, or ammunition with me.

Maybe a little Spanish learnin’ wouldn’t hurt.

Note: On the way back, 4 folks from Mexico were sitting near us on our flight…and they had absolutely no issue figuring our English forms. Well done.

I’ve Gone Country…Apparently

Ugh..the ACM Awards…tricking me into buying Blake Shelton & Band Perry songs. (That “Done” song by The Band Perry is AWESOME).

2 Quick Things on Celebrities That Do Not Deserve the Time I Spent Writing What I Will Write

Teen Mom Farrah made a porn tape. Well, that was expected. They all will. This won’t be her last porn tape either.

Singer Ray J says his new song “I Hit It First” isn’t about Kim Kardashian. Whatever dude…yes it is…and you know it. Oh good, a Kanye West v. Ray J fight…it’ll go something like this…

Kanye: “I had sex with Kim.”

Ray J: “I had it first”

Kanye: “I’m better”

Ray J: “I filmed it”

And that’s where it ends…because that’s when the doctor both calls them in to get checked for all the diseases they’ve caught from Kim. Boom!

AWESOME is as AWESOME does!