So last night, my wife and I stayed up wayyy too late to watch The Bachelor…and holy cow, it was bonkers.

Bonkers…as in Kelsey. There was something off with Kelsey from the get go…it was her laugh…and her “Look-around-to-make-sure-everyone-is-noticing-me-laugh” thing she did everytime she laughed that was the dead giveaway.

Of course, we all feel sorry that she’s a widow…but I think it was Carly who asked something along the lines of “Do we have proof of this?”…which is what all of us Bachelor fans were thinking.

Her love for her “story” is just so weird. So weird. She used her “reveal” of her story last week to definitely save herself from elimination…and then she compounded it again with her fake panic attack. That was a fake panic attack…I’ll never be convinced otherwise. She was already laughing about the attack would guarantee her a rose…and that she needed to talk to Chris to relieve her anxiety. It was nonsense…and the Bachelor producers shouldn’t have allowed it.

Oh…here we go again on Bachelor…it seems once a season…someone falls down the stairs…or has a panic attack…or some strange happening occurs resulting in a contestant fainting……and it’s NEVER captured by the cameras. It’s like they lose track of them somehow…even though the cameraman’s ONLY job is to capture everything they do. It’s baffling.

However, it all worked as Kelsey got to stick around for another round of dates.

By the way…MacKenzie & Samantha (both of whom got sent home in the Rose Ceremony)…how either of you stayed on the show this long is beyond comprehension.

Chris is 33…MacKenzie (it could be McKenzie…but that didn’t look right either) is 21….what possible connection is there between that? I never saw it. Oh, and Samantha? Who are you? She never had a date with Chris…and I don’t think I ever even saw her on a group date. So weird.

Alright…Bachelor producers, what you did during the group date was just flat out crummy. Everyone gets about 4-5 minutes of 1-on-1 time with Chris…but then Chris gets to sneak away with Britt to a Big & Rich concert for over an hour? They just left those poor girls sitting there for an hour…an hour? I would lose my mind. I felt for them…my wife did too…I thought it was a pretty rude thing to do. Chris’ excuse of “I didn’t want to give Britt a rose in front of the rest of you” (well, that was the gist of what he said)….was garbage. He made it worse.

Britt…your hooker knee high boots were bonkers. I will wear my Dazzey Dukes…and pair them with hooker boots that go up to my thigh. Yes…this looks good. It does not.

Earlier in the season, I was a fan of Britt…but that has faded. I’ve become more of a fan of Carly in recent weeks, mainly due to the fact that she’s saying what we fans are thinking.

Then…came the 2-on-1 date….between Ashley and Kelsey. Holy cow, I would rather just have dinner by myself.

I can only imagine that it took 4 hours for Ashley to prepare for date…it must take forever to make herself look that fake. The whole Ashley accusing Kelsey of being fake is really the ultimate pot calling the kettle black.

I’ve seen a lot on Twitter from fans asking “Why did Chris tell Kelsey that Ashley accused her of being fake?” Simple…I think Chris wanted to wash his hands of both of these women. I think it was more of a test to see if Ashley could get through more than 2 minutes with Chris without crying…which she failed…and then it was a test to see how Kelsey would react to being called fake. It was so ridiculous.

The highlight of the show had to be the Kelsey’s one-sided staring contest with Ashley.

After Ashley was told that she was going home…something happened that I couldn’t believe…I agreed with something Ashley said…but she was spot-on with one of her comments yesterday. When Chris said that Iowa life wouldn’t be compatible with Ashley’s lifestyle, Ashley was absolutely on-point with her comeback of “…and you think Britt is?” No doubt.

We shower in Iowa Britt…pretty much daily…you won’t fit in. Oh…also, Des Moines banned (or should have banned) hot pink, Joker-esque lipstick years ago.

So Ashley goes off crying…walking into the vastness of the Badlands…and then Chris tells Kelsey she’s going home too…and she walks off into the Badlands as well. Chris leaves in his helicopter…and we can only assume that coyotes ended up devouring Ashley & Kelsey. (Spoiler: Apparently they’re still alive…Jimmy Kimmel talked with Ashley last night).

Next week is the 2 night return to Iowa…which should be great. Nothing pleases me more than seeing our beloved city in the background…a crying Britt…and Chris Harrison saying “See Britt like you’ve never seen her before”.

My rankings of the girls in terms of all-around likeability:

6. Britt

5. Jade

4. Whitney

3. Kaitlyn

2. Carly

1. Becca

AWESOME is as AWESOME does.