More proof that I would be a terrible criminal here in Des Moines…the news anchors would all catch me.
Yesterday, Kevin & Mollie Cooney helped nab a vandal destroying property down by the River yesterday…great job Super Anchors!
I’d definitely be caught by Kevin…Kevin is fast. I did an Iowa Cub 5 Mile Memorial Run a few years ago…Kevin passed me at mile 1…by mile 1.5 he was already out of my line of sight. Dude has turbo boosters or something…NOTE: Yep, called Kevin Cooney a dude. I’m sure he hears that all the time.
Here are all the other anchors that would catch me in an instant:
Eric Hanson.…he’s so tall…truly the “long-arm” of the law.
Ed Wilson…somewhere on his resume, he has to be a 3 time state wrestling champ.
Elias Johnson…I could take him in the speed department…but he’s got that tough guy look. Probably a grappler
Dan Winters…again…too tall…and I’d just get lost in those eyes.
Jason Parkin…he’d use his glasses as a weapon…he’s a dirty fighter. We all know that. Look it up…Google “Jason Parkin Dirty Fighter”. (note: I’m not sure what will appear if you actually Google that).
Andy Garman…the man was on on the field after the Cubs punched their tickets to the World Series….and got a pic with Eddie Vedder. I would simply bow in reverence, and he would pinch me. Pinch as in nab me…not actually pinch. He’s more of a hugger I assume.
Keith Murphy & Andy Fales…the dynamic duo. Andy would use bugs as his secret power…something along the lines of “Luna” from “PJ Masks”. Yes…Andy’s secret power would be an army of moths.
Steve Karlin…the guy covered Central Iowa (Karlin Covers Central Iowa)…he knows the terrain. I’m at a disadvantage.
So yep…there you go…every single newsman would capture me…there goes my life of crime…again.
NOTE: Why are no women listed? Easy…they are all in amazing shape…and they could catch me without even trying. I was trying to give myself a chance at getting away with my crime….no way ever Elizabeth Klinge, Brooke Bauma, Stephanie Angleson, or Jeriann Ritter would allow that to happen!
